Today it's Just for a Laugh! Add Your Funny Food Law!

Goodies from the Tuesday Passyunk Farmers' Market

Happy Thursday!

I couldn't resist sharing this from James Norton, posted on CHOW:

Oughta Be a Law:  10 Crimes Against Food
U.S. Senator Patrick Leahy from Vermont is planning to introduce legislation that would make it a federal crime to mislabel products as containing maple syrup.  Great  idea - it's a regional product with a rich heritage and it deserves protection.  James came up with 10 more things that should be "protected" by federal law.

Bratwurst  - Ever had a phoned - in Brat?  (hello, Hillshire Farm???).  A snappy exterior and an interior spiced with conviction are musts. 

Bagels - Gotta be denser than Wonder Bread; gotta have an actual skin.  There goes 90 percent of the bagels from flyover country, but tough turkey.  You can relabel them as flotation devices.

Cappuccino - If it's cherry flavored, it isn't cappuccino. 

Craft Beer - Should involve some actual craft at some point; a vortex bottle neck and/or team of Clydesdales and/or color changing cold mountains do NOT qualify.

Gourmet Cupcakes - If you are going to charge more than $4, it better kill. Some sort of extensive licensing program or electroshock based system of retraining should be instituted.

Margaritas - Not blended with ice into a slushie for adults, not choked with artificial sour mix.  Rather, made, well, from tequila and a bit of citrus and lime juice.

Chocolate Chip Cookies - If it makes you sad, instead of happy, it is not really a chocolate chip cookie.  Bad cookies, the kind served at fast food joints must be labeled, "chocolate shame cookies".

Cherry Pie - If the filling's been poured from a five gallon bucket, the pie must be either relabeled as "Artificially Flavored Corn Syrup Pie" or destroyed.

Calzones - Should not be miserably heavy; should be deliciously heavy.  Anyone on the East Coast can nail down the terms on this.

Martinis - Gin and vermouth - some actual measures of vermouth, not just "waving" the bottle at the shaker.  Vodka is an acceptable substitute for the gin, but only barely. Nothing else can be called a martini, or include the suffix, " - tini".  Chocolate syrup laced Chocotini?  That's not a martini - that's five years of medium security prison in Idaho.

Of course, we've already come up with a number of "laws" to add to this list! 

1.  Heavily fine fake restaurants that sell themselves as "authentic" ethnic food, but actually are just re-heating frozen, highly salted, americanized stuff at high prices. Includes, Olive Garden and P.J. Chang's - both would be hysterically funny if people didn't actually believe that they were eating Italian or Asian!!

2.  Forbid the use of terms made up by chain restaurants - i.e. "Cuccina Casuale".  Listen to the pronunciation next time the commercial is on TV.

3.  Stop calling Deep Dish Pizza, Pizza - it's a nice casserole;  but it's not pizza, sorry, it's not.  A Sicilian would kill you for calling it pizza.  That would be an appropriate fine.

What are some of the "laws" you would enact?

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